At 8 we had our vacant period, and I used this time to take selfies, do our activity in Chemistry (make a "safe haven" suitable for survival due to radiation), and brainstorm with Julia about what we're going to write in our Thank You letter for our Three Musketeers (Ma'am Sheila, Sir Raymond, and Ma'am Jeanette my love). We didn't have enough time, so we agreed to do it later in the afternoon. We had plenty of time then.
There were some ideas, though, like: Ma'am Sheila was the mother of the group. She was the one who really took care of all of us, including the rest of the musketeers. Sir Raymond was the support system, always being on top of things and staying positive against all odds. Ma'am Jeanette, oh, my darling A, was the one who we could really talk to with our problems and stuff. She was just the whole package, man. I mean that's for me, I guess. I still have so many things to tell you about our ride back home. She served as our confidant. She is everything. I don't know if I'm biased or whatever because she's the main bae, but for once, I don't care. I am so darn ready to tell the whole world about her. She's the best. So that's it. Basically they were there when nobody else was. They stood up for us. They understood us, and they cared for us. December 21st, when we got scolded by our principal and we thought it was the end, they were there. Even when they were back in Manila and we were in Baguio, we felt their presence and found comfort in their voices. That's how close and connected we got to each other. They helped us during our lowest point. If it weren't for them, we would've had the worst experience ever. I mean, I don't know what we would've done without them. They literally did everything just for us. And I salute them. Hands down. Hats off. EVERYTHING. They are the best people anyone could ever ask for, and they're true blessings to us. Seriously, no words can express the amount of happiness and gratefulness we feel. We're so glad we met the three of them. They're irreplaceable. Especially A. *wink
Speaking of A, I saw her during Biology today, at exactly 10:00 AM. She was teaching in Dahlia, and somehow I finally got to hear her teach. Well, she rocked at it, as expected. Didn't see her afterwards, so my friends and I went to our house to make our Physics project.
Also:
- We were "power rangers," with bottle caps stuck to our skin and pretend superpowers. Emeliene was our leader.
- Emeliene and I stood for what seemed like 15 minutes in front of the school, just hugging each other, pretending to be models of the school.
- We're crazy, we know.
We ordered pizza the moment we arrived at my place. Minutes later, the pizza arrived and my whole family went out for mom's check-up (she almost had a mild stroke last night), so we had the house all to ourselves. After eating the pizza, we went inside and waited for Julia since she had the spring needed to make our project. Watched TV for a while, and when she arrived, we started working. But then this happened:
"Kinaun na kam?"
"Yep, pizza."
"Kagutom."
"I know."
"TARA KAUN NGANI KIT!"
And then everyone stood up at the same time and rushed to the dining table. We kept on teasing each other that this is what it would be like if we lived in an apartment, since the six of us have always imagined ourselves living together in the future (cheesy lol). So yeah, as the five of us ate, Krizza and Julia were left in the living room doing our project. Love you guys. After eating...
"Eunice, you clean the dishes since you were the last one to arrive at the table!"
"...wh-"
"I'll clean the tables!"
"I'll clean outside!"
"I'll sweep the floor!"
"I'll take care of the rest!"
Just like that, everything was settled. We finished doing chores in no time. Like we always say, "no sweat at all." I swear if I had these guys everyday then I wouldn't be dead tired doing chores. They make chores SO MUCH FUN.
We then went back to school after watching an Episode of Phineas and Ferb. We had a quiz in Physics, and on our vacant subject, we went outside to study for our quiz in Filipino.
Just then, A arrived.
We waved, and she waved back. I had no idea she was going to go near us to stay and chat for a while since I was so engrossed with the story I was reading. I only noticed she was getting nearer when Jhery Mae said, "madidistract na lat si Pia."
I looked up, confused, only to see my bae in front of me, asking me what I was reading. Thing is, I usually don't do well in these kind of situations, especially when my friends keep on teasing me, but with her, I'm comfortable. I'm actually not bothered by all the teasing and whatnot. It all just comes so naturally. That's how close we've become, and that's how secured I am with her. I couldn't be any happier, really. The teasing kept coming as expected (like when they showed her a page in my book that had her name on it), but still I remained at ease. We shared laughter and popcorn, and stories here and there, but it was cut by Edemay's sudden announcement about our thesis. We listened, and I hoped she was still there sitting, but when I turned around, she was gone. Poof. Well, what goes around comes back around, right?
I had my thesis checked, studied for Filipino with Six, took Fil quiz, ate outside with Eunice and Jhery Mae, and went back to school because I promised Julia we'd finish writing the Thank You letter.
I was only writing the words "Sir Raymond," when I saw A approaching us. We immediately hid the letter, careful not to spoil anything. Luckily, we succeeded. We talked for what seemed like hours, but the only thing that's in my mind right now is how Julia called her "nay." I hate to be selfish and possessive about this, but, I'm the original Anak! There can't be another one! I guess I don't have to worry so much since I am the original. And whenever I'm overthinking about her, and how she doesn't value me or anything, I just find myself coming back to December 22, 2014, when she shared almost half of her life to me, and told me she doesn't usually share her life story. But she did, and that's the best thing there. She shared it with me. That's something, right? That's the thing I hold on to. I only hope it was just me she shared it to. I think it was just me. I have a feeling it was just me. Usually my guts are right, so I'm gonna have to trust my guts on this one. I'm somebody to her.
After a lot of talking, she came home with us. We ran into Gold on the way home, and pretty soon we were all walking together. I was by her side the whole time. Well, almost. There were times when she'd hold me close and hug me playfully, and that was just the best. It's really the little things that make my heart scream in glee.
Pretty soon we all bid our goodbyes. I kinda wish I lived in Catarman so I could also ride home with them, but all is well. I'm confident that I'm a thousand steps ahead of them when it comes to closeness with A. They'll never reach me. I'm confident. Still confident.
John and I went to ma'am Sheila's to borrow her camera so we could have a copy of the pictures in Baguio. After that I went home. And home had something I did NOT expect.
I texted Julia to promise me she won't ever take my place as A's bae and original anak, and I'm glad she promised, but then, the worst news came.
"May BF na si Ma'am. One week pala sira."
The moment I read this, I didn't believe it. Just a few weeks ago, A was sharing about her past love, and now... she has a boyfriend? I.. I couldn't believe my eyes. It just.. I..
It really hurts ang magmahal ng ganito kung sino pang pinili ko hindi makuha ng buo hanggang ganun na lang nga kailangan ko tong tanggapin na sa puso mo meron na ngang ibang umaangkin at alam ko na rin na mayroon nang nagmamayari sa pag ibig sa iyo ako itong nakikihati. Sa puso ko'y nag-iisa, kahit mayroong iba.
I felt tears. Legit tears rolling down my eyes. It really did hurt. But who am I to get hurt, when I should be happy for her? I just... I guess I just really really love her, that's why. I'm not gay, I know I'm not, and I'm not gay for her, I just have this really deep connection with her that I always feel with teachers. But with her it's just... It hurt. She was the best among all the ones I've felt this way to. She's different. That's why it hurts more. It really, really, really hurts. Like someone's stabbing my heart. Like someone's ripping it open and just squeezing it, therefore crushing it into a million tiny fragments. And no one's there to pick it up.
So I texted her. I even texted her the rap. But I had to be happy for her, and I was. Even though it hurt like a bitch, I was really happy for her. She finally found someone who could love her the way she deserves to be loved, because obviously no matter how much I love her I couldn't give her that. I'm straight. We both are. I love her, kinda in that way, but not really. It's really hard to explain. It's more than a crush, but not to the extent that I want to be in a relationship with her. Like I said, I'm not gay. I see her as a sister and a crush combined into one, like someone you really really adore and you want to be with forever, but not romantically. She laughed at the rap, because she knows about what I feel towards her, and said "ginsumatan ka ni Jalex? Na-share ko pala. Sensya anak. Wa ko kaistorya saim. Nalimot ak." I told her it was okay, but she needed to spill first thing tomorrow, to which she replied, "oo gad. Kanina pa gadla lat ak nagshare. Tomorrow nala." And that simple message brought a smile to my face. She isn't obligated to share it with me, yet she said kanina pa gadla lat ak nagshare. She was defending how she wasn't able to tell me. It was enough to make me feel okay. I told her I was very happy for her and I hoped she was, too. I know she's happy, but I need to hear it from her.
"Oo naman. Syempre. Pero mas magiging happy ak kun yaun ka na liwat."
Oh, A. Inay. Bae. Bheybs. Ma'am. If you only knew. If only you knew that I want you. Okay I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Calm down, people. Relax. I don't want to be in a relationship with her, because that's like, the grossest thing ever and it's like incest to me, but I don't want her to be in a relationship. Is that weird? I'm the most possessive person when it comes to these things, and let me tell you, this isn't the first time I've acted this way. But this time, it's way worse. If you know Little Suzy from Phineas and Ferb, well, you'd have an insight on how and what I feel. I could almost hear Ma'am Jeanette as Jeremy saying, "who's my favorite girl?"
And I really really really want to shout, "I AM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE JEREMY'S FAVORITE GIRL!"